It's the time every High School student fears and awaits. It's a time for rejoicing and a time for new beginnings. But in our family, Graduation is the time that Grandma Sharon comes to visit the family.
There are two graduations that Grandma has visited and both ended in a lot of drama.
The first was Brian and Stephenie's gradutaion in 2009. Grandma, who lives in Anchorage, Alaska, came to visit for a few weeks.
To start off, I'll give an introduction to Grandma Sharon. She's not your average person...in any aspect. Since my mother was a teenager, Grandma has been known for what we call her "bat ears." I guess you could say she's a light sleeper, but anytime you make even the slightest noise in the wee hours of the night, she's up before you can whisper "Grandma's coming!" She's also known as an early riser...and by early riser, I mean that she considers 5 am sleeping in.
One of the first nights after we all flew into Colorado, my mother threw a welcome home party. If you thought our family was large and abnormal before, you can imagine what it's like when we invite the rest of them over. The party included a barbecue and a sprinkler for the kids to play in on the front lawn, while the adults chatted about their personal lives.
When the food was ready, we all sat down at our massive table (and still didn't have enough room for everyone). Our dinner table is a place for light conversation and teasing jokes. Apparently, Grandma didn't approve of me sitting quietly at the end of the table. I guess she never realized that that's the kind of person I am.
After dinner, she started making a big fuss about it and I had no clue what she was talking about. But I'm also not fond of confrontation, so I stayed out of it. As her complaints got louder, though, it became harder to ignore. Even harder so when Jaella jumped in to defend me. I love Jaella, but sometimes, she doesn't know when to stop and who to just shut up and listen to. Well, this was one of those times. Grandma didn't take kindly to be yelled at by a 14 year old girl. So how did she react?
Grandma stated in front of everyone present that we were now disowned. Mom tried to patch things up by dragging us to her room to apologize to her, even though I still wasn't sure how I got involved in all of this anyway. We got back there and she started lecturing us on manners before we could even apologize. Then she began ranting and raving about the boundaries of the disowning. We weren't allowed to show up at her restaurant or her house. She also went on to explain how our dad brainwashed us.
Everything else, I could handle, but that went too far. My dad was a huge influence in our lives and he did not brainwash us. He simply gave us the facts. When we asked questions, he answered honestly.
Next was the night before graduation. None of the girls had a dress to wear, so we went out to the nearest Ross to prepare. We all went from aisle to aisle looking for the perfect dress for each of us. I found one that I really liked but couldn't choose between the 2 colors they had at the store. My choices were red and blue. My grandma said she would only buy one. So I put the blue one on the counter and declared that it was the one I'd wear for graduation and said that I was buying the other one myself, to which my lovely Grandmother replied, pointing at the red dress, "and that's for when you're hooking on Spenard!" (which is a street known for its drug dealers and hookers in Anchorage).
This was about the time that my tolerance shattered. It was also the time that I burst into tears. My mother frantically slipped into the role of damage control, which meant she made everyone, including Grandma, hug me at least twice.
Despite all of the drama, we all experienced an amazing Graduation. Brian even got a silver cord!
Graduation: The Sequel!
A year later, it was my turn to walk across the stage; my turn to wear a shiny gown and a goofy hat; and my turn to put up with Grandma again.
Of course, she eventually got over the whole disowning thing and was glad to come to Whittier for my graduation. My mom even flew up and brought my Aunt Sara with. We booked a hotel for 3 nights at the Inn at Whittier, the nicest hotel around. After making my mom and grandma drinks and breakfast at the little cafe I worked at, we gave them a tour of the town, which lasted all of 5 minutes. By the evening, we were all exhausted from the long day full of excitement. We fell asleep quickly in the 2-story master suite. With Graduation in 2 days, I had plenty of time to catch up on sleep, or so I thought.
It was around 5 in the morning when I heard my mom and grandma stirring, by which I mean Grandma woke my mom up to keep her company. Mom soon fell back asleep and Grandma came downstairs to where me and my sister slept. She then proceeded to noisily open a small bag of coffee and start the coffee machine. The noise lasted for what seemed like 20 minutes in my dazed stage of consciousness.
When that didn't work to wake us up, she subtly yanked on all of the blinds in the room, exposing us to the bright summer light of Alaska. Jaella didn't budge or lift an eyelid. I was able to fall back asleep, but woke abruptly to Grandma, right over my bed, saying something along the lines of "I don't know how you guys can sleep this late! You must sleep a lot!" at around 6. Mercifully, Grandma then went for a smoke break outside the hotel. My mom hurried downstairs to dish all of the things Grandma had done upstairs.
She said that when she woke up, she got dressed and then sat on the bed next to her, then proceeded to scoot closer, and closer, and closer until she was practically sitting on top of her. When mom woke up, Grandma said "Oh! You're awake?"
Jaella told us about how Grandma had come down late the night before complaining about a beeping noise and also about a clicking noise. She explained that it was her keyboard, since Jaella is a writer. Apparently, Grandma has amazing hearing.
Mom started telling us about her super high frequency hearing, but I interrupted her to remind her that Grandma might hear her from her post in front of the hotel. We all laughed, but inside, we dreaded the remaining 2 nights we had to spend with her.
By the time she returned, we were all back in our beds, pretending to sleep so that we could hopefully ward her off. It didn't work for long, and by 10, we were all up and out the door. Later that day, mom, the master of pranks, tried to pull one on Grandma. She took some of the hotel lotion and spread it over the toilet seat, warning the rest of us to use the downstairs bathroom. Well it turns out that she figured it out before she sat down on the toilet and complained to the rest of us, saying that she works at a restaurant, and that she always looks before she sits down.
Mercifully, Grandma decided she couldn't handle another 2 nights in this hotel room. I'm sure she made some excuse, but we all knew she couldn't survive another morning like that. So after she left, we all had a good laugh about Grandma and her bat ears, along with her amazing ability to take any subject of conversation and turn it into something about her life. She even managed to bring up her sex life with my mom at one point.
The night of Graduation, everyone was excited. I was valedictorian, which, in a graduating class of 5, wasn't too special. We all had to give speeches and afterward, the audience got involved with a "pass the mic." This was the point where mom and Sara did a rap to embarrass me, although I couldn't hear them, which made it less successful. After the ceremony was over, we all got separated when the graduates got attacked with congratulations. It wasn't until later that I found out that my Grandma left right after the ceremony ended. She told my mom an hour later that she us she was leaving, but nobody heard that.
My mom was really upset and kept pestering Grandma about it, while we headed over to China Sea for a celebratory dinner. Mom made her apologize and we were able to eat in peace.
As with before, we were able to enjoy another Graduation, with or without Grandma drama. A big thanks to my family and friends for supporting me, including Aunt Sara, who isn't yet hooked up to the internet world. We all love you, Sara, now get a Facebook!
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