A Late Night Walk on The Beach?

To some, it's romantic. To others, it's a party. There's nothing quite like spending the evening with your toes sinking into the wet sand of Lake Tahoe, the water splashing up to your ankles...and then you bring family into the equation and trauma commences.

It was last summer that we enjoyed a lovely trip to the beautiful beach that is Lake Tahoe. It was a family reunion, which scared me too at first, but I adjusted, and you should too. I mean...what's the worst that can happen with all my mother's family gathered within a square mile of each other, right?



It was a few days into said reunion, and I was sitting in my tent reading. Everyone else was out gossiping and trying to make each others lives a living hell...you know...family stuff. I guess I wasn't very family oriented at the time. I was on my way to the bathroom, when I passed my sister Jaella with two of my cousins--Becca, 17, and Brittany, 12--going on an evening walk around the entrance to the campsite. They invited me to go with.

Introduction to Becca: Ever since I was little, my parents have always told me that Becca was my twin cousin. Now being the only blonde-haired blue-eyed child in the family, this meant that I wasn't a complete freak of nature, since somewhere in the family, I was almost normal. Becca is a few months older than me and a lot more...experimental. We'll go with that.

So when I ran into her and found out she was wasted, I wasn't exactly shocked. We started walking and Jaella started rambling about how said psycho cousin had chased a 20 year old guy on a bicycle around in her drunken state until she got his number. How romantic, right? Then Becca remembers the phone number and decides to give it a ring. Somehow, this transitions into inviting him to the beach for some late night fun.

So we wander across the street to the beach to meet him, but he isn't there yet. So Becca gets impatient and decides to call him again. He tells her he's bringing his friends, which makes Becca uber happy and me very concerned, since all of his friends are guys. I might've gotten over it if Becca, being as desperate as she was, decided to change our ages. Brittany was now 13, Jaella was 16, I was 17, and Becca was legal, of course.

I expressed my concerns about our safety around a bunch of 20 year old guys, and was reassured that Becca, even in her stumbling state, could kick their asses if they tried anything, to which Jaella agreed.

As we were waiting for them to show up, we heard some rustling from under the dock nearby. Becca went to go see what it was, although it was way to dark to see. Becca declared it a raccoon, something Jaella and I weren't familiar with, being from Alaska. Jaella got excited and tried to get closer. Becca, who still couldn't see it, ventured closer, warning Jaella that they were vicious creatures. Deciding that Becca needed a scare, I came up behind her and turned on my flashlight, illuminating the Raccoon 2 and a half feet from Becca's face, making her jump back screaming. (This was the highlight of my night.)

When the guys arrived, I was relieved to find that he had only brought one friend. They were both drunk, and even brought a huge jug of alcohol in case their buzz started to fade. I was still a bit uneasy, so while Jaella and Brittany ran back and forth across the edge of the water, and Becca flirted with one of the guys, I sat off to the side, hoping to avoid any confrontations with the newcomers. That, of course, failed, when one of them repeatedly asked me why I was sitting alone, and why I was ignoring him...or something like that.

Thankfully, they eventually went away and we were free to go back to the safety of the campground.

And the next morning, we TPed our cousin Jesse's tent. Thanks Mom, you're an inspiration. :)

Graduation: Parts One and Two

It's the time every High School student fears and awaits. It's a time for rejoicing and a time for new beginnings. But in our family, Graduation is the time that Grandma Sharon comes to visit the family.

There are two graduations that Grandma has visited and both ended in a lot of drama.

The first was Brian and Stephenie's gradutaion in 2009. Grandma, who lives in Anchorage, Alaska, came to visit for a few weeks.

To start off, I'll give an introduction to Grandma Sharon. She's not your average person...in any aspect. Since my mother was a teenager, Grandma has been known for what we call her "bat ears." I guess you could say she's a light sleeper, but anytime you make even the slightest noise in the wee hours of the night, she's up before you can whisper "Grandma's coming!" She's also known as an early riser...and by early riser, I mean that she considers 5 am sleeping in.

One of the first nights after we all flew into Colorado, my mother threw a welcome home party. If you thought our family was large and abnormal before, you can imagine what it's like when we invite the rest of them over. The party included a barbecue and a sprinkler for the kids to play in on the front lawn, while the adults chatted about their personal lives.

When the food was ready, we all sat down at our massive table (and still didn't have enough room for everyone). Our dinner table is a place for light conversation and teasing jokes. Apparently, Grandma didn't approve of me sitting quietly at the end of the table. I guess she never realized that that's the kind of person I am.

After dinner, she started making a big fuss about it and I had no clue what she was talking about. But I'm also not fond of confrontation, so I stayed out of it. As her complaints got louder, though, it became harder to ignore. Even harder so when Jaella jumped in to defend me. I love Jaella, but sometimes, she doesn't know when to stop and who to just shut up and listen to. Well, this was one of those times. Grandma didn't take kindly to be yelled at by a 14 year old girl. So how did she react?

Grandma stated in front of everyone present that we were now disowned. Mom tried to patch things up by dragging us to her room to apologize to her, even though I still wasn't sure how I got involved in all of this anyway. We got back there and she started lecturing us on manners before we could even apologize. Then she began ranting and raving about the boundaries of the disowning. We weren't allowed to show up at her restaurant or her house. She also went on to explain how our dad brainwashed us.

Everything else, I could handle, but that went too far. My dad was a huge influence in our lives and he did not brainwash us. He simply gave us the facts. When we asked questions, he answered honestly.

Next was the night before graduation. None of the girls had a dress to wear, so we went out to the nearest Ross to prepare. We all went from aisle to aisle looking for the perfect dress for each of us. I found one that I really liked but couldn't choose between the 2 colors they had at the store. My choices were red and blue. My grandma said she would only buy one. So I put the blue one on the counter and declared that it was the one I'd wear for graduation and said that I was buying the other one myself, to which my lovely Grandmother replied, pointing at the red dress, "and that's for when you're hooking on Spenard!" (which is a street known for its drug dealers and hookers in Anchorage).

This was about the time that my tolerance shattered. It was also the time that I burst into tears. My mother frantically slipped into the role of damage control, which meant she made everyone, including Grandma, hug me at least twice.

Despite all of the drama, we all experienced an amazing Graduation. Brian even got a silver cord!

Graduation: The Sequel!

A year later, it was my turn to walk across the stage; my turn to wear a shiny gown and a goofy hat; and my turn to put up with Grandma again.

Of course, she eventually got over the whole disowning thing and was glad to come to Whittier for my graduation. My mom even flew up and brought my Aunt Sara with. We booked a hotel for 3 nights at the Inn at Whittier, the nicest hotel around. After making my mom and grandma drinks and breakfast at the little cafe I worked at, we gave them a tour of the town, which lasted all of 5 minutes. By the evening, we were all exhausted from the long day full of excitement. We fell asleep quickly in the 2-story master suite. With Graduation in 2 days, I had plenty of time to catch up on sleep, or so I thought.

It was around 5 in the morning when I heard my mom and grandma stirring, by which I mean Grandma woke my mom up to keep her company. Mom soon fell back asleep and Grandma came downstairs to where me and my sister slept. She then proceeded to noisily open a small bag of coffee and start the coffee machine. The noise lasted for what seemed like 20 minutes in my dazed stage of consciousness.

When that didn't work to wake us up, she subtly yanked on all of the blinds in the room, exposing us to the bright summer light of Alaska. Jaella didn't budge or lift an eyelid. I was able to fall back asleep, but woke abruptly to Grandma, right over my bed, saying something along the lines of "I don't know how you guys can sleep this late! You must sleep a lot!" at around 6. Mercifully, Grandma then went for a smoke break outside the hotel. My mom hurried downstairs to dish all of the things Grandma had done upstairs.

She said that when she woke up, she got dressed and then sat on the bed next to her, then proceeded to scoot closer, and closer, and closer until she was practically sitting on top of her. When mom woke up, Grandma said "Oh! You're awake?"

Jaella told us about how Grandma had come down late the night before complaining about a beeping noise and also about a clicking noise. She explained that it was her keyboard, since Jaella is a writer. Apparently, Grandma has amazing hearing.

Mom started telling us about her super high frequency hearing, but I interrupted her to remind her that Grandma might hear her from her post in front of the hotel. We all laughed, but inside, we dreaded the remaining 2 nights we had to spend with her.

By the time she returned, we were all back in our beds, pretending to sleep so that we could hopefully ward her off. It didn't work for long, and by 10, we were all up and out the door. Later that day, mom, the master of pranks, tried to pull one on Grandma. She took some of the hotel lotion and spread it over the toilet seat, warning the rest of us to use the downstairs bathroom. Well it turns out that she figured it out before she sat down on the toilet and complained to the rest of us, saying that she works at a restaurant, and that she always looks before she sits down.

Mercifully, Grandma decided she couldn't handle another 2 nights in this hotel room. I'm sure she made some excuse, but we all knew she couldn't survive another morning like that. So after she left, we all had a good laugh about Grandma and her bat ears, along with her amazing ability to take any subject of conversation and turn it into something about her life. She even managed to bring up her sex life with my mom at one point.

The night of Graduation, everyone was excited. I was valedictorian, which, in a graduating class of 5, wasn't too special. We all had to give speeches and afterward, the audience got involved with a "pass the mic." This was the point where mom and Sara did a rap to embarrass me, although I couldn't hear them, which made it less successful. After the ceremony was over, we all got separated when the graduates got attacked with congratulations. It wasn't until later that I found out that my Grandma left right after the ceremony ended. She told my mom an hour later that she us she was leaving, but nobody heard that.

My mom was really upset and kept pestering Grandma about it, while we headed over to China Sea for a celebratory dinner. Mom made her apologize and we were able to eat in peace.

As with before, we were able to enjoy another Graduation, with or without Grandma drama. A big thanks to my family and friends for supporting me, including Aunt Sara, who isn't yet hooked up to the internet world. We all love you, Sara, now get a Facebook!

Family Dictionary

Grandma Sharon

Mom
Jim

Dad (Top Left)

Cezanna (22)

Andy (Cezanna's Ex)

Cimara (Cezanna's Daughter)

Aithen (Cezanna's Son)

Ashley (20)

Stephenie (19)

Brian (18)


Ashley (Brian's Girlfriend)

Tawnie (17)

Crista (16)

Jaella (15)

A Camping Trip to Remember

On a warm July afternoon in Colorado, while me and my little sister were visiting the rest of the family, it was decided that the kids would go camping. Cezanna, the oldest child, (21) brought her boyfriend and her two kids. Also along for the trip were Brian (my brother) and his girlfriend Ashley, Jaella (my little sister), and me.

While setting up camp, there was a dispute about who was staying in what tent. Brian and his girlfriend brought their own tent, a 3 person tent that, with squeezing, could fit 4. Cezanna brought the family tent, a 6 person tent. She had room for her whole family, but wanted Brian to house me and my little sister as well. My brother and I have always gotten along a lot better than any of our other siblings, and when this came up, he welcomed me in, but refused Jaella. Cezanna did not like this. She expressed her feelings that Brian was being a drama queen, which Cimara, her 3 year old daughter, quickly picked up, and started taunting Brian with.

Eventually, we got the living arrangements settled and everyone cooled off, literally and emotionally, at the lake just down the way. We swam around for about an hour until it got dark. During this time, my brother apparently dove too deep into the lake and hit his head a little too hard on the rocky bottom. He would find out six months later that he obliterated his skull, fracturing the left half completely. He learned this, ironically, as pieces of his skull starting to fall into his college anatomy book... In the section on the skull.

Back at the camp site, we started a fire. Since we were staying in a state park, we couldn't go collect firewood, we had to buy it, and we couldn't make our own fire pit, we had to keep it inside a small metal fire ring, since the area was under a constant fire ban. The camp site we got, however, had a large fire pit made of rocks, from the last family camping there. We decided to use the bigger one, since we had a lot of people to sqeeze around it. We also decided to shake off the other rule while we were at it, by cutting off small branches of one of the trees (one of the 10 trees in the entire park, it seemed like). When our parents stopped by for a short visit, my stepdad, Cezanna's boyfriend, Brian and I went over to the tree on our lot a cut off a huge dead limb that was already partly detached, and used it for firewood. Little did we know, we wouldn't be able to burn the entire branch in one night.

The next morning, we packed up bright and early. We put the fire out thoroughly and packed the car. We were just leaving as a park officer pulled up, pulling us over at the same time. He brought up the fact that we A. shouldn't have a separate fire pit, and B. were illegally burning state property. Andy, Cezanna's boyfriend, brought up the fact that the fire pit was already there when we arrived and also lied and said that the limb was found down the hill on the ground. The officer, the kind man that he was, told Brian and Andy to pick up the rocks from the fire pit, the ones that were still scalding hot, and move them away from the pit, and wrote them a hefty ticket for damaging state property. When we got home, Andy and Brian had 2nd degree burns all over their hands. The story reached my mom, who in turn, called the state park to make a complaint. When I say complaint, note that the term is used loosely. We all learned a lesson that day, and that was that if my mom wants to make someone's life hell, she can. But if you hurt her children, she will.

We also learned that the officer who gave us the ticket was just out of training and giving his first ticket. My mother yelled and screamed and even used the "Do you have children? How would you like it if someone made your children pick up scalding hot rocks?" line on the secretary at the state park. Needless to say, we got pictures of Brian and Andy's hands, which were sent to the guy in charge. Also needless to say, that was our last camping trip for a while.

(Artwork done by Daniel Moffet)

Introduction

My name is Tawnie and to kick off this blog, I'll start with how our family got to be the way it is now. It started out as a happy family: A mother and father with 4 kids from the ages 2-9. They spent a few years on the road, traveling from state to state, having a kid or two along the way, until they found where they were meant to live: The beautiful state of Alaska. When a divorce split the family up, the mother got custody of the two oldest children while the two youngest stayed with the father. After spending a few years in Anchorage with her new husband and his daughter, the mother decided it was too cold. Her solution? Las Vegas, Nevada. And how did this journey lead to the drama that is Our Family Sitcom? A 4 day road trip in a mini van with 5 kids, going from Anchorage to Vegas. Two houses and 3 years later, the mother decided to move closer to her husband's family in Colorado. This is where she stayed for the next 6 years. The father remained in a tiny town by the name of Whittier, Alaska, where he currently resides.

So this is where the drama begins at full force.